Author: Dracea5
Date: 2012-08-13T02:19:37+00:00
Keywords: Alphonse Elric; Family; Edward Elric; Fullmetal Alchemist; Blindness; Fanfiction
Description: After a deal with Truth to re-bind Al's soul to the armor, Ed struggles as he experiences a year-long descent into darkness.

Blinded by Love

A Fullmetal Alchemist Fanfic written by Dracea5

Disclaimer

I don't own FMA or any of its characters.

Month 0

It had been a normal day. As normal as normal could be for the Elric brothers. Still, it was generally a quiet day for the two; at least, until some crazy-ass alchemist bent on revenge on the military started fighting Ed and Al. How the hell did they get into the middle of this? They were just walking home from the library, one of Ed's favorite places to research and unwind.

"Al, duck!"

Al narrowly dodges the alchemist's attack, his weapon of choice being a water 'snake', a controlled entity of water used to attack and drown.

"Ed, look ou-" Ed's hearing is cut off as the water snake slams him, enveloping him in water, leaving him unable to breathe. "BROTHER!"

With quick thinking, Al uses alchemy to create a giant sponge in the path of the snake, catching Ed and leaving him once again able to breathe.

Ed catches his breath long enough to watch the rampant alchemist re-form the snake, sending it straight for Al. With his oxygen-deprived brain, Ed doesn't realize just what's going on in front of him. He watches as the snake slams into Al, the scrambling suit of armor dragged into the writhing torrent of water. "Al..?"

Al soon stops fighting, and the alchemist has the snake release him. Ed, still watching in confusion, sees the armor shell slam to the ground, helmet bouncing off from the impact. Awareness sets in, and with it, a slowly-growing horror. Ed scrambles over to Al, looking right inside, calling Al's name weakly.

The seal is gone.

Ed doesn't even remember what happened. All he can remember is seeing his brother dead, feeling himself snap, and finding himself standing over the attacking alchemist's dead body, his automail arm shaking as it hovers above the man, its blade slick with blood. He stares at the man, knowing internally that he'd killed him; but he doesn't really care. He stands without even willing it, walking over to Al's lifeless shell, leaning down to redraw the seal. He is not going to lose Al, not again.

Mustang arrives at the scene finally, having been tracking the ruckus. He runs forward with Hawkeye at his side, gasping at the sight that welcomes him. He spots the murdered alchemist, a trail of blood leading from him to Ed, stained haphazardly in red; where Ed is finishing re-drawing Al's seal. Ed claps his hands and places them to Al's chest, not even twitching when Roy calls out his name.

Ed finds himself at the looming doors of the gate, still coated in blood and still shaking. He looks over to see Truth sitting not far, grinning his odd grin, expression unreadable. Ed's own face reveals the moderate loss of sanity at losing his brother. He is silent; it's Truth that speaks first.

"You're here again, little alchemist. Did you lose something?"

"You know why I'm here," Ed hisses, walking toward Truth. "I'm here for Al."

"You have to be careful.. you keep losing your brother. If you do it again, it just might be for good!"

Ed narrows his eyes, looking at Truth intently. "..You'll give him back, then?"

"Of course I will! I love the story of the Elric brothers. Only.."

Ed sighs, a twisted grin appearing on his face. "Payment. There's always payment with you."

"Exactly~!" Truth crows, standing and meeting Ed's height. "I'll be incredibly generous, though. I'll take the payment.. slowly. Yes, slowly. At the end of a year, the payment will be complete."

"What is it you're taking from me?" Ed asks, but just receives a laugh in reply.

"I think I'll let you discover that by yourself. Just remember one thing! Though your arm and leg can be returned to you, this payment cannot. Find that little red stone of yours or not, this payment is mine to keep no matter what. Now, you're sure you want to continue?"

Ed clenches his fists tightly, glaring at Truth. "Of course I'm going to. I'd pay anything to keep Al."

"As you wish!" Truth's cackle is all Ed hears as he finds himself laying on the ground, shivering from the cold and wet of the blood and water he's laying in. Though still traumatized to a degree-especially now, with the confusing blur that's going on around him-he doesn't fight when someone pulls him to dry ground and wraps their arms around him. All he can think about is Al, and from the way that he's being comforted and.. reassured? He can make out some words now.. Al must be fine, as the voices are trying to get Ed to open up.

"Brother? Brother, are you okay?" It's this voice that snaps Ed back to reality, nervous golden eyes looking up to meet the familiar red ones from the armor.

"Al.. I got you back," Ed says weakly, reaching up from under the blanket he hadn't known was draped over him. "I got you back; I'd never lose you, no matter what."

Al looks down at his brother's trembling, blood-soaked form; at the slightly delirious smile on his face, and the still-visible blade of Ed's automail arm. He had seen the alchemist's body before checking on Ed; he could tell that Ed had outright murdered him. This had scared Al; and now, the look on Ed's face.. well, he knew that Ed had lost it. And all because of himself, his little brother. He knew Ed was protective.. but to this point? And not just that.. but Ed had done something else unthinkable. He had ignored the risks and done human transmutation again, to get Al's soul a second time. But at what cost?

"Watch over him," Roy orders to Riza, who had walked to Roy to check on him; he had been staring at Ed carefully, worriedly. "He just went after his brother a second time. Watch over him until this is over; then bring him to me."

The rest of the day was mostly a blur. Ed had been ushered to the dorm room he shared with Al, where he cleaned himself up and re-clothed himself, unaware that Al had been watching him carefully.

Ed hadn't said a word since he'd been back at the crime scene. Nothing about the gate; not a word of anything. Then again, Ed didn't really seem to be all there, mentally. He seemed to be lost in some other world, and Al hoped dearly that Ed's mind, nor his sanity, wasn't the payment for his own soul.

Alas, he's reassured when Ed is about to leave, having been summoned by Mustang. Ed stops at the door, turning to walk to Al and look up at him. His face is showing emotion now; it's worry. "Al, I.." He looks off to the side, searching for the words. "I'm sorry. But you know I'd do anything for you, right? I-I just can't lose you. You're all I've got left.."

Al's young, invisible heart breaks at Ed's broken spirit. "Don't worry, Ed. No matter what happens, we're together. But if that ever happens again, think of yours-"

"It'll never happen again!" Ed suddenly yells, eyes widening at his own reaction before he glances at his automail hand. "I won't let it happen. I'm going to find the stone. This year, I promise. I have to find it for you."

Al frowns. "Brother.. what happened at the gate?"

Ed just looks up at Al, a smile tugging on the corners of his mouth. "I brought you back. Don't worry, Al; I'll never let you go." He turns and heads out the door, ignoring Al's protests. Mustang wants him, and he'll use this as an excuse to not burden Al with the details of his time at the gate. All of the details, in fact, which he doesn't know yet. What's to come in a year? What is he to lose? Something vital to life, no doubt. Just what, he really can't imagine.

As Ed walks into his office, looking like an intimidated, abused dog with its tail between its legs, Roy stands. He instructs Ed to the couch, himself closing the doors to the office. He turns, surprised that Ed had obeyed his order and is now on the couch. "Ed." At a lack of answer from Ed, he continues. "What did you do?"

"Whatever do you mean, Colonel?" Ed asks, looking up at Roy with a malevolent grin on his face.

Roy grits his teeth at Ed's expression, wondering if Ed had indeed gone slightly mad during that last alchemy attempt. Ed had been so silent afterwards; so dead to the world. "You know damn well what I mean."

Ed leans his head to the side, closing his eyes. "I brought Al back," he replies casually, grin still on his face.

Roy walks over to be directly in front of Ed, towering over the already-short boy. "Edward, tell me what happened after you used alchemy on your brother."

Ed opens one eye, glaring up at Roy with distrust, the smile vanishing. "You know what happens when you cross that line," Ed says darkly. "You come back with more scars on your soul. Why the hell do you care what happened there?"

"Contrary to what you believe, or what I may have led you to believe, Ed, you're not just some little kid I get my kicks from by messing with you or manipulating you. I care about you and what happens to you. I know your brother does too, so maybe you should be a little less reckless."

Ed grits his teeth when Roy mentions Al, leaping to his feet, his hand grabbing Mustang's shirt collar. The grip of his automail hand is nearly tearing the fabric. "You," he hisses, "leave Al out of this. Don't say his name again. The only time you ever say his name is when you say you've found the cure to make him human. You don't know what the fuck goes on. If I wasn't as reckless as I was, he wouldn't BE here." Ed shoves Mustang away then, knocking the man back nearly on his ass.

"Fullmetal," Roy warns, voice dripping with anger, as Ed turns to leave.

"Unless you have a possible lead for the stone, I'd appreciate it if you kindly fucked off and left me and Al alone for a while." Ed had stopped at the door, awaiting Roy's reply.

"Ed, get back in here. You can't just-"

In reply to Mustang, Ed exits the door swiftly, slamming it behind him. He's going home to Al, since that's who he needs right now. He needs to make sure Al is really there.. because with what he'd gone through in the last 24 hours, he's starting to doubt his own sanity.

Confirming that Al is fine, Ed waves off his brother's worry, saying he's going to the library to read. He needs a quiet place to think. He needs to focus his mind, if he's going to find out what Truth took from him.. not to mention if he's going to focus on finding the stone for Al before it's gone.

With a sigh, Ed leans back in his chair at the library, closing his eyes. What could Truth take from him? And how would he know? Would it be another limb? Would he get an infection at the last minute and it need amputation? What about his heart? Would he suffer a massive heart attack in a year, or many heart complications leading up to a final demise? What if it were a lung? That would half-cripple him, but he could live without that. Even, as he thinks painfully, his genitals. That would be hell, but he would live. He sighs, groaning. "What the hell did you take from me?" he mumbles, unanswered due to being alone.

Well, Truth did say it would take a year. That gives him one full year to fit in as much as he can to find the stone. He's got to restore his brother, because honestly, who else can?

{No more breaks. No more rest.} Ed would pour his heart and soul into finding an answer for Al. He begins now, forgoing the faint hunger in his stomach in favor of the books. He begins going through his books, to see if he had missed anything from before.

Ed's first week had been spent poring over every bit of notes they had, every book he could find in the library, and everything he could manipulate Mustang into divulging. Unfortunately, Mustang's end also meant much work for Sheska for copying books and information that Ed asks for, including certain subjects that made Sheska wonder what the hell he was talking about.

That first week concerned Roy too, and he noticed that whenever Ed would visit him, he'd rub at his eyes tiredly. Ed was getting barely any sleep, and barely any food too; he had noticed Ed's lack of energy. When commenting on it, Ed would only snap at him in reply, then look lost in thought, worried. Upon bringing this concern to Al, he just receives a defeated sigh in response.

"Ed said we should focus on finding the answer. He said that nothing else matters until we do that. It's not like him, but.. I think what happened scared him. I think he wants to fix our bodies before anything bad can happen to us."

"You have to watch him carefully, Alphonse. From the way he's been acting.. you have to make sure he doesn't make any reckless moves."

"I have been. So far he's just learning as much as he can. And as much as I try to help care for him, he's neglecting his health anyway. He's determined, and there's nothing I can do."

Roy sighs, the image of Ed returning to mind. It had been earlier today; Ed had reported to him for any possible new information Sheska may have thought of or come across. Ed obviously had not gotten two hours sleep in the past three days; he'd also forgotten to shower, or even shave. How could Roy forget? Ed's old enough now, even Ed has to shave. Though Ed had tired, shifting eyes and was acting a bit more loony than usual, all Roy could focus on was Ed's facial hair. It was yellow, just like the hair on his head. But, damn, Ed looked exhausted.

"I'll watch him when I can. Keep trying, Alphonse."

First Quarter

In the first month, the only possible symptom could have been how tired and aching his eyes were. And how could they be anything else, for how Ed was relentlessly throwing himself into his research? And for all the work it had been, Ed hadn't a thing to show for it. Only achy eyes, stiff muscles and weight loss.

That, he hadn't even noticed at first. It was only when his leather pants didn't fit as snugly as they used to that he noticed it. He stood in the bathroom that day, after Al begged him to take a break from reading and take a bath, relax. He was pulling his clean clothes on after bathing, and felt that the pants were.. a little loose. He knew he hadn't been eating much lately, given his fervent search, but he didn't think he was ignoring himself that much. But..

He grabs his shirt, but before he pulls it on, pauses to look at himself. No, he isn't that thin yet. The muscle definition has lessened, but one certainly can't see bones. Yet. He frowns, deciding that he needs to try a different approach. The end of the year isn't nearly here, and he doesn't want to feel like shit for whatever time he has left. With a weak smile, Ed finishes dressing himself, heading out after a wave to Al, whom he had been slightly ignoring lately in favor of his research.

Roy looks up as Ed walks in, hair tied back in a low, loose, lazy ponytail rather than the familiar braiding. Ed looks overall fairly slack in his appearance; even the clothing he's wearing-the black tank top and black leather jeans-looking slept-in. "Fullmetal?"

Ed walks up to Roy's desk, setting his hands there and scanning Roy's stacked piles of paperwork. He squints a bit; his eyes still feel strained, and he's well aware that he looks exhausted. After a minute of gazing needlessly at Roy's papers, he looks up into Roy's concerned eyes. "Assignments, now. Give me some. I need them. I need to get Al his body right away."

"..Why are you putting yourself through this so intensely? You just got Al back. Take some time off and enjoy his company. I think he'd like that, and so would you."

"I don't have time," Ed hisses, smacking his automail hand on Mustang's desk repeatedly. "Now give me something! Something that will help me!"

Mustang ignores Ed's hand, instead staring carefully into Ed's eyes. "What does that mean? You don't have time."

"I have to get Al's body back before something like this happens again!"

"Can't you just restore him again?"

"I can't afford any more payment!" Ed yells, and Roy tries once more to get an answer from Ed.

"You still haven't told me what you paid this time." Roy catches Ed's gaze once more, a bit startled at the dark, crazed look in Ed's eyes.

"It's none of your damn business what I did or didn't give. I'm fine, aren't I?"

"Hardly. You've lost weight, and it almost looks like you've gone mad."

Ed makes a fist with his automail hand, raising it a bit without thinking in a subconscious motion to punch. He finally brings it back down to Roy's desk, slamming it. "I'm going to come back tomorrow. Have some assignments lined up for me." He turns and stalks off, not surprised that Roy is silent the entire time.

Ed's second month had gone a bit more smoothly. Due to taking care of himself while out on the road with Al, he recovered his lost weight, looking as healthy as he had been before. He still kicks ass to a professional degree, only he's slightly more reckless before, tends to stick near Al more often, and is less merciful to those who cross him or his brother. He tells Al that he just wants to make sure Al is protected; but in reality, Ed has periodic slight 'episodes' where he defends himself and Al without thinking about what he's doing, nearly killing some offenders in the process. It's scared both boys, to say the least; and Ed wonders if his sanity is what Truth is taking from him.

Ed had been socializing with his brother more. They're back to the way they had been before the accident; two close brothers, fighting for the same goals. The only thing different about their relationship is Ed's reluctance to talk about the Gate, about that day that Ed had brought his soul back. That's something that bothers Al; that Ed would keep that information from him. It bothers him much more than Ed's deranged behavior on the battlefield, which isn't very often, honestly.

"Brother? Can you read that okay?"

"The lighting in here is pure crap," Ed comments, holding the book close to his face and squinting. "Why isn't there better lighting?"

Al looks out at the open window, where bright sunlight enters, flooding the room with light. "..I can read just fine. The lighting in here is great. Ed.. I think you need glasses."

Ed nearly drops the book he's reading, looking up at Al incredulously. "Glasses? Are you crazy?"

Al watches Ed's eyes strain to bring Al into focus, and takes the book from Ed. "You keep reading and reading and you never take a break. You're going to end up needing glasses," Al warns.

"Glasses.. geez Al, you are nuts." Ed looks out at the window, spots a bird land on the windowsill, and squints as he tries to bring the slightly-blurry bird into focus. {..Shit, Al's right. Well.. maybe I just need to take a break from reading and rest my eyes.} "I'll take a break, okay? Let's go outside for a while."

Al smiles internally and stands along with Ed, heading out of the building. They'd managed to return to Aquroya, as Mustang had received word of possible human transmutation in the area and sent the Elrics after it, seeing it relevant to their quest. They had spent the past few days searching, while also laying low; and Psiren, though visiting the older brothers again, regretted to say that she could offer no help. She just didn't know. She did, however, point them to the library, having heard about the Fullmetal's love for research.

"Ed?" Al speaks up from their silence as they walk.

"Hm? Yeah Al?"

"You know.. you don't have to push so hard to find an answer. I really.. don't mind waiting. It's.." Al trails off, not wanting to anger Ed; but this has been eating at him for a while now. "It's better than watching you do this to yourself. Please, Ed, take a break."

Ed looks up at Al, hoping his stressed eyes relax enough soon to let him see clearly. "What if something happens, Al? Before we have a chance to get your body back?"

"And what if something happens while we're trying to get it back? Ed, I.. I've lost too much. I lost dad, then mom, then my body, then Nina.. and I'm-" Al's shaking a bit, and Ed hears the sound of gasping. "I'm terrified that I'll lose you too!"

Ed's eyes widen, but he just looks away. "Al.. I promise you, I'm being careful. For both of us. Nothing will happen, okay? I won't let it."

Silently, Al walks alongside his brother, practically emanating emotion. Worry, determination, love.. poor Al.

Nearly three months had passed since this all began. Ed had been doing his very best to take care of himself; he had been eating right, getting decent sleep, and limiting his reading to several hours a day. He'd been acting more sensible, and his strange episodes have almost completely cleared up, saved only for those occasions when heavy force was needed.

Still, he had continued to have trouble with his eyes. No matter how well he took care of them; even going so far as to drink some milk in efforts to help them, his vision still remained blurry. He'd noticed that it was slowly growing worse. He'd decided to go to the eye doctor in Central, as they had just returned not long about from an assignment, still trying to find the answer-still nothing but dead ends.

Ed pokes his head in the door, entering the small waiting room. While it isn't the largest clinic, it's reputable, and he knew he would get a good diagnosis here. He just hoped he was at the right place-the smallish letters on the plaque outside weren't easy for his blurry eyes to decode.

"Oh! Hello. Mr. Elric?" The doctor appears from behind an opened door, and at Ed's nervous nod, waves his hand to beckon Ed into his office. "Come with me, we'll give you a good checkup."

Ed follows the doctor, hands shoved deep into his pockets. He's nervous, understandably; what if he ends up needing glasses? And all because he was readng and reading and reading. Just great.

"On the phone, you told me you were having some trouble with your eyes." The doctor, Dr. Avis, motions for Ed to take a seat in a comfy chair. "Tell me the severity of the symptoms and when they began."

Ed takes a seat, recalling what he can for the doctor. "It started about three months ago, when I started reading all day and night. I did that for about a month before my eyes started aching and my vision got a little blurry. I took care of my eyes since then, but it's slowly been getting worse," Ed says uneasily, watching as the doctor displays a large letter chart against the wall, the letters growing smaller each row down. He frowns, noting that he can just-barely clearly read the top three rows.

The doctor nods, then taps the top row. "Please read each row as I point to it."

The first row is two easy, large letters. "A, S."

The second one is fairly easy too. "O, R, E."

The third row makes him squint a bit. "L, Z, U, W."

The fourth row, he leans forward a bit, still squinting. "H, E, ..S? T, L, N.. no, X."

Dr. Avis nods slowly, then picks up a flashlight and walks over to Ed to inspect his eyes.

Ed, feeling like a failure once again in his life, sits there and allows the bright flashlight to temporarily blind each eye as the light floods in. As the doctor finishes his careful inspection, he shakes his head, looking confused. "Both eyes look pristine. There's no evidence of cataracts, glaucoma, or any other causes of rapid vision loss."

Ed stares at the doctor, a thought creeping into his head, an image of Truth; he immediately squashes it, his heart pounding as he begs Dr. Avis to look closer. "Can't-isn't there something else you can check for? Anything?"

Dr. Avis shakes his head. "I looked as closely as is possible. I'm honestly not sure what's going on. You're welcome to go to another doctor; but in the meantime, perhaps we could try glasses to improve what's already going on here."

Ed's head spins. It's his sight. That's what Truth is stealing from him. No; not stealing.. Ed had given it willingly. Though he had no way of knowing what he was sacrificing, he knew that he would give his own life for his brother, and his vision was a small price to pay. But it is a hard price.. without his sight, how will he ever be able to find a way to get Al's body back?

"Mr. Elric?"

Ed looks up at the worried doctor. Dr. Avis looks blurrier already; Ed reaches to his eyes to feel them, but feels wetness. He wipes them, and finds that he's been silently crying.

"I understand that it's not easy-"

"Shut up," Ed suddenly snaps, glaring at the doctor, though he know Avis meant nothing by the remark. He forces himself to relax, wiping away the tears as best he can. "Just-just fit me for the glasses."

"..Yes, Mr. Elric."

"..Brother? You actually got glasses?"

Ed looks up at Al as he walks in, his vision only somewhat improved with the aid of the glasses. "Yeah. You were right, Al; I was straining my eyes too much." His gut wrenches as he lies to Al. "Now I need to wear these. How do they look?" Ed forces a grin for Al, who's too surprised and curious to see through Ed's act.

"They're neat, brother! You picked out a good style. Not like your.. uh, well." Al looks away sheepishly.

Ed frowns, glaring expectantly up at Al. "Like my what?"

Al sighs. "That red coat, brother. Red? Really? It sticks out so much!"

"Have you ever thought that's what I want? Geez, Al, you're one to talk. You never change the color of your cloth."

"Not like anyone would notice.. they only notice the big suit of armor wearing it."

Ed frowns as Al's sad tone of voice echoes n the armor. He sits down, putting his automail hand to his head. "I'm sorry, Al. I-I'm trying, I am."

Al sits down on the available bed and looks down, hands on his knees. "I know, brother. Please don't think I hold it against you."

"I know, Al," Ed says with a heavy heart. {But if I don't hurry, I'll never be able to fix you.}

Half Turn

It's been five and a half months since Ed had made his deal with Truth. His vision had slowly been growing worse, and though he'd been regularly getting stronger prescriptions of glasses to try and counteract the progression, he's still having trouble with seeing things. He can barely read a book anymore, even with the glasses on. He knows that Al's wondering why he doesn't read anymore. He doesn't wear the glasses to the military headquarters; he tells Al he doesn't want Mustang to taunt him for that, too. Even though Al reassures him that Mustang wouldn't be that mean, he still refuses to show that bastard any weakness.

A few days ago, Al caught him. Ed had his glasses off and saw Ed hovering his automail hand in front of his face, squinting as he tried to make out the details of it. Ed hadn't even seen Al when he silently walked in, until Al had taken Ed's hand in his own. When Ed looked up at Al in surprise, eyes squinting and trying to focus, Al's heart had broken. "Brother.. why didn't you tell me your eyes were so bad? I thought you had that taken care of."

Ed hadn't answered Al, had only replaced his glasses on his face, gotten up and left to go out. It killed him to treat Al like this, when Al was so worried about him; but he was terrified that Al would hate his choice to save him at the cost of his own sight.

{It's time to tell Al,} Ed thinks to himself, walking into the house from grocery shopping. {Al has a right to know. He has every right to know.} He sets the bag of food on the counter, staring at the contents. A blurry rainbow of color; he can't make out the words on any of the boxes inside.

"Ed! You're back." Al walks forward to help Ed put away the groceries, but stops when Ed looks up at him with a scared expression. "..Brother?"

"Al.. I have to tell you the truth." Ed looks up at Al; even with the glasses, Al is becoming just a blur of grey with two little balls of pink for eyes. It's killing him inside.

Frightened by Ed's quiet, nervous tone and the way he's looking sadly up at him, Al answers, his own voice a little shaky. "A-about what, brother?"

Ed sits one of the dining room chairs, pulling off the glasses to rub at his tired, strained eyes. He glances up at Al, who through the glasses looks blurry around the edges; without the glasses, he's just one big grey person. He sets the glasses on the table with a sigh, dreading what's coming. "Al.. I want to tell you about what happened when I got your soul back."

Al grabs a chair, sitting across from Ed. He watches Ed's tired face, noting he looks like he'd grown five years older in only five months. Was it the look on his face, or the way Ed had recently grown more quiet, more independent?

Ed lifts his automail hand, gazing at the blurry grey, turning it and watching as the light catches it and gives him a flash of silver. "I'll do anything for you, Al. I'd give anything to make sure you were okay. So.. this is a small price to pay. But I need to know that you'll forgive me, n-no matter what." He clenches his hand into a fist, setting it on his lap as he awaits Al's answer.

"What are you talking about, brother? It-it doesn't matter what happened, or what you did. I'll forgive you for anything." Al watches his cryptic brother look up at him with slightly-unfocused eyes, a shiver running through his being.

"I went to the gate.. and Truth, that bastard. He told me that I could have your soul back. So.. so I got you back, Al," Ed says, giving Al a sad smile. A sad, slightly-demented smile. Ed doesn't notice Al looking slightly away from that eerie expression on Ed's face. "Payment, though.. equivalent exchange, so he took something from me. He-he told me it would be gone in a year." Ed's hands clutch at the sides of his seat. "Everything we gave up.. it's always been physical, you know? Your body, my arm and leg.." Ed's voice is almost a whisper. "I thought it would be something like that again. But Al.. do you see? Do you know yet what it is?" He looks up at Al again, the deranged smile almost fitting in on his face with the tears brimming in his eyes.

Al stares down at his brother, slowly breaking apart in front of him. Sure, he knew Ed had been through so much.. Al himself had, too.. but he never thought Ed would snap. Ed was the strong one, not Al.

"Do you know?" Ed asks again, but before Al can answer, Ed grabs the glasses and shoves them towards Al's face. "This. He's taking the one thing that I need to find the answer to getting your body back. Al, I can't find the answer without this. He's taking my sight. Al, I'm so sorry. I just-I just couldn't let you die like that. You don't deserve that. You don't deserve that. Al, please, I'm so sorry.." Ed finally cracks, clutching the glasses tightly as he slumps in his seat, tears forcing their way out through his tight-shut eyes.

Al stares at his brother, feeling numb emotionally. So this.. this is why. This explains so much. Why Ed's vision had been deteriorating steadily. Why Ed no longer read books. Why Ed was so strange toward Al.. fear. Fear that Al would think Ed a failure, because Ed didn't have the means to restore Al's body anymore. Yet through all of it.. Ed hadn't mentioned once about himself, about any fear of going blind. The only fear Ed's blindness brings is that he'd be unable to help his little brother. Al's heart twists and he kneels down in front of Ed's chair, reaching out to pull Ed into a hug against his cool, hard, unfeeling armor.

"Ed, shh.. relax, brother. I don't hold it against you. Please, Ed.. I could never think bad of you, especially for this. Please, Ed.. stop being so hard on yourself. You brought me back, didn't you? That's all I need. As long as I'm with you, I don't need my human body. As long as we're together, I don't-"

"But Al you need your body!" Ed suddenly yells, looking up at the big grey blur that has become his brother, made worse by the tears flooding his eyes. "Y-you don't have a chance to live! You can't eat, you can't sleep, you can't feel anything! The summer, winter, you can see them change, but you can't feel the difference, and it's all my fault!" Ed yells, shoving back from Al-but finds himself trapped as Al keeps him in place.

"Be quiet, Ed," Al says strongly, surprising Ed into silence and stillness. "I don't blame you for what happened. It's a burden we both share, when we tried to bring mom back. But please, Ed, stop trying to sacrifice yourself for me. I don't want to get my body back if it means you losing anything else. If I lose you, I.. I don't know what I'd do. Please, Ed; stop fighting so hard and just listen." Al looks down at Ed's trembling form, golden bangs forming a curtain to hide Ed's eyes from him. "We have to take care of you now, okay? You're going.. blind, Ed. We have to worry about you now. We can search later, okay? For a way to get our bodies back."

"How.. how, Al?" Ed asks, voice relaying his hopelessness.

"I'll do all the reading.. and the alchemy. We'll work as a team. Your mind always did work better for science and alchemy and rationalization than mine did. I know it won't be easy.. but we can still do it, Ed."

"Al, I'd only be useless to you, and get in the way," Ed laughs weakly.

"But Ed.. I couldn't do it without you. Don't you get it? Nothing is worth doing if you're not there to do it with."

Ed looks up at his brother's form, spotting Al's eyes shining vehemently, even through Ed's clouded vision. It shocks him, and he can't help but relax and smile. "Yeah. You're right, Al." Ed sighs and leans against Al, not fighting his brother's embrace any longer. Though more questions and concerns dance on his tongue, Ed takes his brother's words to heart, keeping quiet.

Finding Ed so quiet, Al releases him, looking down at the defeated-yet-content look on Ed's face and the glazed look across Ed's eyes. "..Brother?"

Ed smiles to cheer Al up, eyes remaining unfocused. "Well, Al.. I'm not blind yet. Let's keep our hopes up, right? We'll keep looking for the stone or whatever will get your body back. Until I can't do it any more."

Al would smile for Ed if he could, but settles for a reassuring nod. "Tomorrow we'll see if Mustang has anything new for us."

"Tomorrow.. yeah, good idea." {Gives me time to rest a while.}

Though, he knew that's why Al had said it.

Several weeks and several successful-yet-fruitless assignments later, Mustang intentionally gives the Elric brothers an assignment to check out something incredibly mundane right in the town of Risembool. Both brothers knew this meant Roy wanted to give them a small break; they took it with appreciation and a grin, accompanied by a bounce in their step that Roy hadn't seen since before Ed had performed alchemy to get his brother back.

Ed postponed the departure by one day to get completely ready; he got a new set of glasses, the strongest possible, improving his vision quite a bit compared to how impaired his vision was without the glasses. He then set out with Al, boarding the train for the trip home, both anticipating and dreading the trip.

After an hour of silence, Al speaks, waking Ed from a glassy-eyed state of deep thought. "Brother? You are excited to go home, right?" He had seen the apprehension in Ed's face.

Ed smiles, turning his attention back to the train's window. "You know, Alphonse.. every assignment we take is fraught with danger and we make no promise of returning home alive. You know that, right?"

Alphonse jumps a bit at Ed's cryptic choice of words, but nods slowly. "Mhm."

"Every time we leave Risembool, we know we'll return. Even though we know something may happen and we'd never make it home alive.. we know in our hearts, because what else do we have?" At Al's silence, Ed continues his philosophical musing. "By that respect, every time we leave home, we might never see Winry or Granny again." Ed grins, that sad look on his face again. "The sick thing is, this time, it's true for me. You know, Al.. I'm going blind. I have six months left of being able to see. With how fast my eyes are fading, though.. I don't think I'll see much in three months anyway. You know what.. that means, right?" Ed asks again, continuing his trend of asking heavy questions only to answer them immediately. "This is the last time I'll ever see Winry and Granny. After this trip, I.. I'll never see them again." Ed goes silent just before his voice can crack, trying to relax the knot in his throat as he stares out the window at the passing countryside.

Al stares down at Ed, honestly not having thought about that. Sure, he knew that Ed's eyes were slowly degrading every day; but he didn't think they were going that fast. "I'm sorry, Brother," is all Al can manage, in his small, quiet voice. His eyes suddenly light up as he looks at Ed. {Now why didn't I think of that before?} "Ed! You don't have to worry. Once we get the stone, we can fix your eyes!"

Ed releases a bitter snort. "Fuck. I forgot to mention that detail, huh?" Ed leans his head back on the seat cushion, grinning darkly. "Truth made it clear to me that I couldn't get my eyes back. My leg, my arm, your body; all are fair game! But he seemed damn adamant on keeping my sight." Ed touches his automail fingers to his eyelids, enjoying the cool metal against them. "Hell if I know why he wants it. He doesn't need it; he already sees all."

Al sputters in protest. "You can't ever get it back?"

"Unless we find a way to defeat Truth, the self-proclaimed God, then I'm screwed to be blind." Ed sighs and taps his metal fingers against the glass, enjoying the exchange of sight for sound, for the first time. "It's fine, Al. I've had six months to come to terms with it."

Al watches Ed's wistful expression, and looks out the window as well. "And have you?"

As Ed answers, he's glad Al's not looking at him to see the lie he's sure is plain on his face. "As much as I ever will."

"Comiiiiing~!" The muffled voice penetrates the door at the Rockbell residence, the door opening to reveal typical Winry, that familiar green bandana around her head and gleaming wrench in her hand, the smell of oil in the house penetrated only by the soup cooking on the stove in the kitchen. "Ed? Al?" Winry looks at the two, a little puzzled, then puts her hands to her hips. "Ed, did you do something to your automail again?" she asks, glaring at him, only then noticing the glasses.

"Not this time," Ed says sheepishly, giving Winry a cheerful, honest smile. He stares at her through the glasses, overjoyed to see her again, despite how every contour of her face and body seemed as blurry as text in a wet book. "I wanted to come home and visit."

"Just.. visit? For no reason?" Winry watches Ed, looking at the glasses on Ed's face. "Um.. Ed?" When he 'hmms' curiously, she points at him. "Why are you wearing.. glasses?"

Ed smiles and takes Winry's hand in his human one, surprising her. He then pulls her forward as he leans forward, pressing a kiss to her lips before pulling away. He watches her, wanting to see the look on her face in reaction. Oh, he sure gets it; her eyes widen and her face reddens; she clutches her wrench tightly, not sure whether to slam it across his head or drop it and start attacking him with more romantic fervor than he thinks she's got. However, when she spots the subtle expectant grin on his face, she chooses the first option, smacking him carelessly with his wrench, watching him grab his head, though now grinning.

"Ed why the hell did you do that!" she yells, face still red, both from embarrassment and anger.

"I-I wanted to see your face," he says, managing a chuckle. "I wanted to see your face when I kissed you." He rubs gingerly at his head, managing to shut her up with his next line. "I want to see your face.. when I tell you how much you really mean to me." {I don't have much time left, so I have to tell you now.} "When I tell you.." his own face reddens as he speaks. "..I love you."

Al looks at Ed in surprise, though he begins grinning as wide as he can; finally.

Winry's eyes widen, mouth hanging open as she tries desperately to find words. "Wh-is-" She stares at Ed, studying his expression. Nervous, hoping, critical. "..Do you mean it?"

"Yes, yes I mean it." Ed smiles, a true smile and not the usual smartass Ed smile. "I've known it for a long time. Uh, I wanted you to know."

"Just like that," Winry says, then grabs Ed's automail arm, yanking on it and pulling Ed right up against her for another kiss.

"Aren't you going to welcome those boys inside?" Pinako asks, smiling smugly at the scene unfolding before her.

Winry jerks away from Ed, face flushed hot red as she runs inside, releasing Ed. "Come in, then! Don't just stand around out there!" She disappears then, down the hall for the bathroom.

Ed just grins stupidly, heading inside with Al in tow. He debates whether to follow Winry or not; he decides on going after her, leaving Al to talk with Pinako.

"Winry?" Ed's glad he knows the building by heart, as the lighting in the hallway isn't the best, and he can't really make out any doors. He runs his human hand along the wall, finding the bathroom door much more quickly than just using his eyes, and pushes it open gently, to find Winry staring at the mirror over the sink, brimming with excitement and happy tears. However, when she spots him, she jumps, face reddening again.

"Ed! You can't follow a girl into the bathroom!"

Ed just laughs. "I didn't know you were a girl. You're always around tools and hardware."

Winry puts her hands on her hips, and her miffed expression only grows more so as his smile broadens. "What is going on with you, Ed? You come home wearing glasses and acting really bold. It's not like you."

Ed's smile shrinks down, replaced by his wistful smile. "Yeah. I have something to tell you." He sits Winry on the closed toilet lid, sitting himself on the edge of the bath tub. He taps the edge of his glasses, the automail-on-metal-frames making a clinking sound. "Al and I had a little.. run-in six months ago. Some crazy alchemist was trying to kill innocent people, so we intervened.. and Al," Ed says, memory flashing back to that vivid moment, just before sanity left him; "Al paid for it with his life."

Winry frowns, very confused. "But I just saw him-"

"I brought him back, Winry." Ed watches her face, even though he knows he doesn't want to see her reaction when he explains the rest. "I went after him. I went to the gate."

Winry gasps, looking Ed over carefully. "But-the last time you did-.." She trails off, waiting for him to explain more.

Ed taps the frame of his glasses again, giving her a sideways smile. "Payment this time wasn't an arm or a leg, or an organ like Teacher. It's a gradual, one-year-long loss of my sight." He looks away then, not wanting to see her reaction to this.

Her eyes widen, heart stopping in her chest as she looks at his half-focused golden eyes. "Ed..?"

Ed glances back up at her from the corner of his eyes, but has to tilt his head to look through the glasses, to see her more clearly.

"When you said.. losing your sight?"

"Yeah," Ed says, a chuckle slipping out of his mouth. "I'm going blind."

Ed wasn't prepared for what came next. He felt two arms pulling him into a tight hug, holding him closer to a human body than he'd been in years. His face reddens, but he doesn't fight; he relaxes, returning the hug. "I'm sorry, Winry. I should have came home sooner."

"Why didn't you, Ed?"

"Without my eyes, I can't search for the stone," Ed says quietly. "I wanted to use what time I had to find the answer." He looks up at her, and though she can see the unspoken fears in his eyes, she simply hugs him close once more.

"I know you boys. You don't stop until you find it, no matter what's in the way. Even without your eyes.. I know you'll find it."

"Thank you, Winry." Ed returns the hug, pulling away only a minute later. "Uh, we left Al and Granny in a hurry," he says sheepishly, and follows Winry when she runs out in surprise.

"It is your fault, Ed," she says, trotting through the hallway, not even noticing Ed watching her ass as she goes. Honestly, who can blame him? He doesn't have much longer to see it.

He stops suddenly when she does, nearly crashing into her; he turns to see the scene before him. Al is looking at Winry, but Pinako is staring at Ed, a saddened expression on her face-but Ed's eyes, even with the glasses, can't make this out. "Huh? Something wrong?" He looks at Winry, who is nodding to Pinako.

Pinako walks toward Ed, carefully studying his eyes as he peers down at her through his glasses; when he slips up and squints a bit, she frowns. "So it's true then, what Al told me. You really are.. losing your sight."

"Slowly," Ed replies with a slight nod, giving Al a look that says 'You told that old hag already?'.

Pinako frowns, shaking her head. "When are you boys gonna learn? Alchemy is not the answer."

"Neither is leaving Al dead," Ed throws back at her, hands forming into tight fists.

Everyone in the room looks at Ed in surprise, but Winry takes Ed's hand into hers. "You know that isn't what she meant, Ed." Low enough that only he can hear it, she continues. "You don't have to be so on edge. You're here with family."

"I'm sorry," Ed mumbles, squeezing her hand gently.

"Ed came to visit, not to fight," Pinako comments. "Now come boys, stay a while."

"Ed, you're leaving already? You've only been here two days." Winry frowns at Ed's choice to leave so early; even Al is protesting.

Ed smiles, looking straight into her blue eyes. "Don't worry, Winry.. I've got enough memories to last the rest of my life. I'll never forget how you, Granny, or home looks." He leans forward, sneaking a kiss to her cheek. "Besides, I've got to try and find the stone one last time, before I'm out of time."

A few tears roll down Winry's cheeks, and judging by the smile still on Ed's face, he can't even see them. "I really wish you'd stay, Ed. But I know you boys. Always on the move." She pulls him into one more tight hug, then releases the brothers back to the world, watching with Pinako as they head off on their way.

"What do you think, Granny? They'll come home in six months, won't they?"

Pinako watches the two; Ed looks just like he ever did, high-spirited and carefree. "I don't know. Maybe, maybe not. Somehow, I don't think blindness will stop him from searching for an answer to getting Al's body back."

Winry wipes the wetness from her cheeks, smiling. "You're right, Granny. I'm glad, though. As much as I want them home, they need that determination."

Third Quarter

Edward had hit the 8-month marker three weeks ago. By now, even with getting a new pair of glasses every month, his vision had degraded so far that he couldn't make out faces or contours, which crippled him more than he thought it would. He was oblivious to most face-to-face interaction, leaving it up to Al to interpret conversations, save for what Ed could pick up on from tone of voice and what sketchy bits of body language he could see.

Though Ed needed Al with him to do such mundane things as eat-he had to make sure he wasn't looking like an idiot by using forks for finger food, and he had this weird new fear that something would crawl onto his plate and he would eat it without noticing-Ed was faring well with most things Al had expected him to need help with. Ed could still braid his own hair, but he'd always done that behind his head, and he'd done it long enough to know it by heart now. He could still oil his automail, effortlessly servicing his arm and his leg, though again, Ed had done this already for years. Ed could even continue to spar with Al; though Ed did need Al to go a little easier, as he was relearning the motions without his eyes. Ed would make a point to tie a blindfold around his eyes before sparring, commenting that if he was going to do this when he was all the way blind, he may as learn it that way. After all, he can only see a blur as he twists and drops, kicks and punches, spins and whips.

Al had to admire Ed's new independent personality; Ed would do most everything by himself that he could, but if there was something that stumped him, he wouldn't feel too prideful to ask his brother help. This made Al feel even closer to Ed, that Ed would gladly accept Al's assistance, with only a smile of brotherly love. The only thing that tore at Al's heart was looking into Ed's eyes, which lately, were left willingly unfocused, only used when Ed was out with Al, talking to other people. Only then did Ed make an effort to use his eyes; Al honestly didn't think that Ed's sight had deteriorated as far as it had, until a recent assignment they had been on.

"Al? Al, where are you?" Ed yells, searching wildly for the big shadow of grey that had become his brother. Even through his glasses, Ed couldn't make sense of the scene around them; he had heard an explosion, felt heat from the flames of the building not far away, and can only see billowing clouds of smoke and blurry piles of rubble littering the ground. Nowhere can he see any movement from any attacker or his brother, and Ed is quickly slipping into panic, fearing that Al may have been again stolen from him.

"ALPHOOOONSE!" Ed screams, stumbling over rubble as he runs blindly, clutching the glasses to his temple, suddenly stopping when a hand grabs his braid. He yells out, whipping around to land a punch directly in the face of the opponent, glad to see someone stumbling back, dropping to their ass. Ed rushes the man, grabbing him by his collar, pinning him down. "Where is Alphonse?"

The man only grins, despite the blood seeping from his lower lip. "What, your brother? Hell, I haven't seen that big thing since the explosion!" He laughs, and Ed recognizes the voice as belonging to a man from the military, the same man Ed and Al were sent to investigate.

Ed grits his teeth and yanks the man's collar, bringing his face closer to Ed's. "WHERE IS HE?"

"I told you, I don't know. Now you'd best release me, you dumb kid, before you push me too far," the man says, an edge of warning to his voice.

"Like hell I'll release you! You're going to tell me where Alphonse is or I'll personally rip your-" Ed is silenced by a sudden gunshot right next to his ear, deafening that ear effectively. A.. gun? Ed hadn't seen any gun at all, nor seen the man raise it up to his head. Frozen in fear and shock, Ed is easy to shove off of the other man, and freezes in terror as he spots a hazy black blob, held by the man, pointed right at his face.

"Well, well. I was beginning to think you were blind, from the way you were acting. I can tell that you can see this," the man says sadistically, waggling the gun a bit, before retraining it just between Ed's eyes. "I see you and your brother will be too much trouble for me. Ah, too bad.. I hear you guys did a lot of good in this military."

Ed shuts his eyes in anticipation as he hears the gun cock, turning his head to the side. However, as he hears the gun fire, he feels no pain; he finally opens his eyes moments later to find a large grey figure on top of the unconscious man. He stares, focusing his eyes before speaking hopefully. "Al..? Al, is that you?"

Al looks at Ed; shaken, terrified, and trying his damnedest to make out what's right in front of his face. Al's heart sinks at the sight of his struggling brother. "It's me, Brother." With a pause, Al asks his question. "..You can't see me?"

Ed gets up, grabbing Al's arm and hugging it tightly. "I can see you, Al. I'm sorry. I'm sorry," he chokes out, tears beginning to fall. "I can't even protect you, I'm so sorry Al.."

Ed had given up on their missions, their assignments. That last time, Ed had failed to protect Al and feared him dead. That same time, Ed had nearly died himself, and all because he couldn't see a gun to disarm his attacker.

Time to retire.

Last time Ed had called Mustang to check in, dialing the number he'd had committed to memory, he was told to report to Mustang's office. That was a week ago, and Ed cockily retorted, still shaken up by his brush with death, that he'd report in when he was damn well ready. Mustang, being less than pleased, had replied with angered yelling, to which Ed kindly told Roy to go fuck himself, before hanging the phone up.

He had never told Mustang about his slow descent into a world of darkness. Now, as he walks alone toward military headquarters, he contemplates just what he's going to say. He'll tell Mustang about his condition; yeah, he owes that bastard that much, at least. He'll try not to be a complete dick, try to hold in his contempt for his commanding officer as he explains everything.

Yeah, that's a good plan.

Ed sighs as he makes his way up the stairs, taking them carefully as he can't really make one out from the next. He's still wearing the glasses, ignoring the whispers he can make out from the other people around him. That, at least, consoled him; he wasn't fully blind yet, but his hearing had improved quite a bit.

Ed navigates the halls by memory, using the overhead lighting only to make sure he doesn't run into any walls. He stops at Mustang's office, pausing before entering. He walks right through, waving to the guys as they greet him; then reaches Mustang's office, ignoring the confusion of the others as he closes the doors behind him, to discuss this matter in private. With glasses still on, Ed walks straight to Mustang's desk, making out a blob of blue with a bit of black on top just behind the desk. Just to be safe, though, and make sure he's not seeing things; Ed stops at the desk, leans forward a bit, and smacks the black with his left hand, almost missing-but his hand connects with a head.

"Hey! What's your problem, Fullmetal?" Roy nearly gives Ed a shove back, but stops when he spots the glasses. "..I'm almost afraid to ask. Why are you wearing glasses?"

Having confirmed, albeit with a satisfied smug grin, that Roy Mustang is indeed at his desk; Ed rests his hands on the polished wood, leaning forward. Though he can't make out Mustang's expression at all, he can judge where Roy's eyes are and looks directly into them. "I thought you knew everything that went on with me, Colonel?"

Mustang reaches up and pulls the glasses off before Ed even realizes what Roy is doing, but he sure notices when the glasses are gone. His vision goes straight from very blurry to a full-out blur, where even Mustang only stands out from the office due to being back against bright, open windows. Ed grits his teeth, reaching out for the glasses; but he reaches for open air next to Mustang's head, not even close to where the glasses are, sitting on Roy's desk. "Give those back."

Mustang watches his flailing subordinate carefully, finally standing and walking around his desk. He continues to watch Ed, who watches the form, standing out only from the window behind him; but he loses sight of Roy when the man stops right to the right of him. Mustang watches, expression turning from curious to concerned and finally alarm as he stands still, Ed glancing around nervously. He stays silent, awaiting Ed's next move.

With a sigh, Ed gives up trying to find Mustang, who had disappeared from his radar just by moving into the less-sunlit area of the room. "I need to talk to you about something." Ed hesitates, speaking again as the silence lingers. "I'm retiring from the military."

Roy finally speaks, Ed's head turning to face the sound of his voice. "Edward, tell me what's going on. What's wrong with you?"

Ed reaches a hand out expectantly to Roy. "Glasses." They're on his face immediately after Roy hands them to him, but Ed still finds that he can't really make out Roy's form. {Fuck.} "Over here." Ed reaches out, fumbling, finally grabbing Roy's wrist after five tries, and drags Roy to better lighting, where he can see him.

Roy frowns, looking at Ed in concern. Ed can't see it, so he just begins to explain. "Nine months ago, I went to the gate to bring my brother back. I was told that the payment would be taken fully after a year. I didn't know what it was at first, but.. it didn't take long to figure it out." Ed grins, his smile dark and pained. "I paid with my sight."

He's interrupted by Roy's gasp, and looks up to see something really close to his face-he flinches when fingers slip under his glasses to touch his eye. "You're.. blind?"

"Almost," Ed mumbles, turning his head away to refuse Roy's touch. "There's three months left." He looks at the incredibly blurry sight before him. "Not that I can make out very much now.."

Roy frowns, taking a closer look at Ed. He's just as stubborn as ever; but he looks tired. Tired of fighting his impending blindness, tired of depending on Al for help; tired of bearing all of it alone, inside. Those unfocused golden eyes showed more than Ed would admit. "Why didn't you come to me?"

Ed's eyes glance over toward Roy, before he looks off again. "Why should I bother you with this? I'm not of any use to you without my eyes. As soon as I'm blind, I'm out of your hair. You won't have to worry about keeping tabs on me."

"Is that really how you think I feel?" Roy asks, taking a step closer to a confused Ed. "You're not just one of my charges, Ed. You're a friend. Someone I care about and would trust with my life. I had thought you realized that."

"With the way you treat me sometimes?" Ed asks right back, though his voice is shaky, close to cracking.

"I admit.. I may not have been the most tactile, at times. But I've never thought of you as less than an equal, know that."

Surprising Roy, Ed grits his teeth, tears suddenly flooding out. He pulls the glasses off, gripping them in his left hand as he covers his eyes with his right arm. "M-Mus-I can't-"

Roy is quick to react, moving close to Ed to pull him into a gentle hug. Half-expecting Ed to pull away, he finds Ed just leans into the touch, sobbing into his uniform top. "Calm down, Ed. It's all right, you're-"

"Don't you tell me it's all right!" Ed suddenly yells, shoving Roy back. "It's not even close to all right! I'm going fucking BLIND, or did you not HEAR THAT PART?" Ed grips his fists so tightly that he cracks the frames of his glasses.

"You don't have to do it alone!" Roy yells back, fighting to calm himself. "You'll have your brother, and Winry to help. I meant what I said, you'll always have me to count on."

"That's just it," Ed mourns helplessly, scaring Roy a bit. "My brother. Al. I can't-I can't find the stone, Mustang. I can't get his body back for him. I promised him, I promised I'd get his body back for him. And now I'm going to break that promise," Ed finishes, voice growing more pained and hopeless as he speaks.

Unable to come up with a reply, Roy sets his hand on Ed's shoulder, noting how badly the boy is shaking. He's rewarded with Ed rushing him, throwing himself against the older man. Roy obediently wraps his arms gently around Ed once again, comforting him.

"Watch him, please," Ed begs, his voice half-muffled by the blue uniform top being stained with tears. "Watch Al. I can't protect him, Mustang.. I can't protect him. I need help. Please, watch over him. Make-make sure he doesn't get hurt.. I can't help him, please.."

Roy's arms tighten as much as his heart; he holds Ed close, sighing. "I promise, Ed. I'll watch over you both."

Full Circle

Only a few days until month twelve rolled around, Ed found himself in yet another struggle to navigate, to remain independent.

This was Ed's last prescription of glasses. These would last him until the end of next month; by then, no glasses would help him.

So why wasn't he more careful to not lose them?

"Fuck," he mumbles, struggling to hold the towel around his body as he blindly fumbles around for his glasses with his flesh hand. Seeing as that's the only hand that can feel anything, his automail hand is pretty much useless to him for finding things. He can't feel anything with it; he can only feel the shifting in weight of it at his automail port. He trusts instinct to do the rest.

"Ed?"

Ed blinks, knowing it's futile to look at Al at all. By now, his vision is so degraded that, even with the glasses, he can only make out differences in lighting, along with very faint contrasts of color. Without the glasses, everything is the same color, it all blurs neatly, and light contrast is limited to very light and very dark.

"Brother, what are you doing?"

"Trying to find my glasses," Ed mutters, groping what he's sure is the counter, bothered that his younger brother, whom he's supposed to watch over, is taking care of him. "Are they here? Hell."

Al sighs, smiling a bit inside. Ed will never change. He walks forward, gently taking Ed's hand and moving it forward a few inches to meet the glasses. "You were close."

"Too close to miss them, Al!" Ed whines, putting the glasses on before facing the challenge of dressing himself. It's honestly not a challenge, but it can get to be annoying when you're trying to balance to put on pants and you fall to the side or into furniture without realizing you're falling at first. Not to mention taking a bit of extra care to slip a feeling-less automail limb into the right hole of a garment.

"Um.. do you need any help, Ed?"

"Why? I'm just getting dressed."

"Here, let me see that. I think there's some fuzz on it." Al takes the shirt from Ed, setting it aside and handing Ed his pants. He didn't have the heart to tell his brother that he'd tried to use his shirt as pants.

"Ah, thanks." Ed finishes dressing easily after that, followed by braiding his hair. He proceeds to head out of the bathroom, using both hands to navigate the walls. His automail hand at least makes sounds when it hits or scrapes the wall, even though it can't feel anything.

"Are you really going to see Mustang today?" Al follows Ed, resisting the urge to scurry up next to him and try to aid his every movement.

"Yeah. He still didn't apply for my retirement like I asked him to. I don't know what that idiot has planned; it's not like I can do anything for the state with a permanent handicap like this."

"Just be nice, okay? He's been nice to us."

"Offering to buy us a house isn't being nice. We can make our own house with alchemy whenever we want to. He's an idiot, plain and simple."

"He's supportive and generous."

"He's lonely and bored."

"You're hopeless."

"Yep!" Ed grins, grabbing his suitcase. He walks to the counter in the bedroom, grabbing his white cane with a look of disdain. "I hate this thing. It screams 'Hey! Look at me! I can't see.' "

"It helps you get around and it tells people that you can't see them or possible dangers coming toward you. You have to use it, Ed."

"I know, I know," Ed moans, tapping it on the floor. "I still hate it."

"Are you.. sure you don't want me to come with you? It's a long trip."

Ed stops at the door frame, leaning against it lightly. "It's just a train ride. We've been down these roads so many times, Al; I know the way by heart." He smiles for his little brother. "Don't worry. I'm not completely helpless, y'know.. I can still kick anyone's ass."

"Except mine and Teacher's!" Al chirps cheerfully, laughing at Ed's hopeless smile.

"I'll see you in a few days," Ed says, waving. "Don't get into too much trouble while I'm gone!"

Al returns the farewell, watching as Ed walks out the door, down the few stairs, and out onto the path. He watches as Ed slowly drifts to the edge of the patch, hitting grass, then righting himself using sound. He sighs, worrying for his brother. Sure, he can still see somewhat.. but he doesn't think it's enough for Ed to go halfway cross-country alone. "Be safe, Ed," Al whispers.

By the time Ed reaches Central, he begins wishing that Al had come along for the journey. The Risembool train station was enough hassle, to buy a ticket and then to board the train; he nearly walked into the side of the train before someone led him to the doorway. And now, as he exits the train and ventures into the busier Central station, he's assaulted by the loud noise of several trains rolling in and out of the station, coupled with the cacophony of people yelling, talking, laughing. He puts his right hand to his head, groaning. Navigating this one is going to be frustrating.. especially since nobody is waiting to escort him.

Half an hour later, Ed manages to get out of the train station, stressed beyond belief. He hadn't asked anyone for help, and no one had offered, assuming he was just a kid playing around with a stick.

Fucking morons.

Navigating to the headquarters proves to be just as tricky. He has to keep alert to the sounds of the cars on the road in order to keep going straight on the sidewalk, and even with the aid of the cane, still manages to run into a man and a little girl on the way to the headquarters. Needless to say, by the time he arrives, he's ready to sock someone in the face. Preferably Mustang.

"..Ed? No way, you really are.." Havoc trails off, looking at the other guys.

"Here, let me help! I've been running cords across the floor, don't want you to trip," Fuery offers, jumping up to lead Ed over the wires and to Mustang's office. He releases Ed's arm when he spots the expression of extreme irritation on the younger man's face.

Ed heads in, mumbling a thank-you to Fuery as an afterthought, and closes the doors behind him. He walks up to Mustang's desk, thankful for those bright windows to guide him.

"Fullmetal. I wasn't expecting to see you here." Roy pauses, gaining a thoughtful expression. "Where is Alphonse?"

"At home in Risembool. I decided to come alone." Ed taps his cane around, finding Roy's couch by nearly falling on it. He sits down, leaning back with a sigh. "Starting to wish I brought him with me."

"You traveled out here alone?" Roy asks, surprise evident in his voice.

"Yes, I am somewhat capable, you know. Eyes or not."

"..How much can you see?"

"Barely anything," Ed says with a sigh, waving his hand dismissively. "Some light and dark, very little color with my glasses." Ed opens his eyes, the golden pupils drifting toward the window; toward the light. "Why haven't you processed my request to retire?"

"I don't believe you should yet." Roy stands, which Ed notices, delighting in watching the light change behind Roy as he walks in front of the window. "It's my belief that you will adjust to your senses and be ready to strike out again."

Ed snorts. "I'm settling down with Winry. I'm not gonna 'strike out' again, don't worry. I can get into enough trouble at home. I'd get myself killed if I went back into the field."

"With the military's backing, you would still have access to so much more research and-"

"Research?" Ed lets out a hearty laugh. "Mustang, you complete idiot, I can't read!"

"You don't need to!" Roy yells. "Have someone read it to you! Sometimes you can be so dense-"

"Who the hell is going to read entire books to me? Al? Come on Mustang, just let me retire already."

"Do you still think Al is the only person loyal to you? The only one who would sacrifice for you?"

Ed pauses, tilting his head thoughtfully. "No, I'm sure there's.. some people. Winry, maybe.."

Roy groans, rubbing his temples. "I meant me, you moron."

Ed snorts and looks up at the light again. "You? You would read to me like a little kid?"

"Yes, I would. I could be your main military tie and access to research material, and I would know what's relevant. My mind may not work quite the same as yours, but I know enough to pick out what's useful and what's not."

"You can't just discharge me and tell me the information in your off-hours?"

"If caught, I could be tried for treason. Depending on the source of the material, of course."

"Right," Ed mutters. He sits there silently for a few minutes, before sighing. "Fiiiine. I'll stay in the military."

Roy claps his hands together, sounding positively delighted. "Perfect~!"

Ed stands, navigating the bedroom by heart. He walks to the window, opening it and staring out. He knows it's daytime, he can feel the sun beating down on his skin; but still, everything is dark. Today marks the official turn of the wheel; the day of the new 'year' of his world of darkness. He sighs quietly, tapping his automail fingers lightly to hear the sound before turning back to his bed with a smile. Sure, he may be deprived of his sight; but he still has so much to look forward to.

He slides into bed, careful to keep his cool automail to himself as he reaches across Winry's middle. He feels her shift, hears her exhale happily, dreamily.

"Morn', Ed.." She stretches slightly before falling back to sleep, enjoying the peaceful morning.

Ed makes a similar sound of enjoyment, allowing himself to drift off next to her warm body. Yep, as far as disabilities go, he's not minding this terribly so far today.

Table of Contents

Blinded by Love

Month 0

First Quarter

Half Turn

Third Quarter

Full Circle